That is what I said to myself on Saturday. On Saturday, I really believed I would never write another word. I totally considered chucking it all. I said, "I shall delete all of my stories. All of my picture books, my novel that I agonized over for the longest time. I was ready to chuck it all. I had cried, said a bad word or three (to myself of course, and I nevah evah say those words)and literally just wanted to crawl under the bed and say, "GO AWAY WORLD!" I knew that I suck at doing this and I just didn't want any part of it anymore. I just wanted my life to go back to before I started writing. Except keep my friends, my blogging pals, but I couldn't see spending all of this time on something that I suck at.
Fast forward to yesterday. The flowers weren't exactly blooming again, but I did notice a faint and I do mean faint tinge of hope that I didn't suck at writing. But how would I know? I mean, if I'd been lying to myself about my writing skills all these many years then who's to say I wasn't doing it again. I evidently had become very adept at being untruthful about this very subject.
I examined my motives. They were harmless enough. I didn't want riches(thank goodness), I just loved writing. I examined my work ethic and discovered that I loved working hard at writing. I realized a hunger burned inside of me. I found that I was focused too. So why then did my writing suck?
I came to a conclusion that I need to share with all of you. My pals in the blogosphere. My writing on Saturday probably sucked(I deleted it) but my writing in general is great, most of the time. But get this. You have to write badly to get better. The key here is you have to stick with it, just like you have to stick with anything you do in life. You keep growing because you keep learning.
Practice makes perfect? Yep. The old adage is true. AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH! You mean mom was right all along? Yikes!
So I will remember this the next time I feel like dumping it all again. Or will I? :) Thanks for listening. :) Er...I mean reading.
This feeling happens to us all, Robyn. You just have to ride it out. I had an 'i'm a bad writer, i suck at everything' attack yesterday but this morning am feeling better.
ReplyDeleteWhenever i get this feeling i usually start reading a book about writing (at the moment i'm reading 'Your writing coach' by J Wolff) and it usually helps me see clearly and re-focus.
Sometimes what we write does suck but NEVER delete it (silly Robyn) as it may be transformed into something worthy later on. I've experienced this many times. Always save and stash away for later.
You're right though. Practice does make perfect. So keep going. You never know, what you 'practice' may turn into something brilliant! :)
Dear, Dear Robyn - email me the next time you're feeling this way and I'll direct you to the many blog posts - mine, Elana's, Lady Glamis, and so many others - out there about writers who go through the exact same thing. It's all part of the process. I mean, us writers have quite a reputation to live up to - Sylvia Plath, Hemmingway, Wolfe, and so many others who tread the treacherous, angst ridden path of writing.
ReplyDeleteDon't delete the bad stuff. Keep it around. Place it in a bright neon folder so you always have a reminder of how bad your writing can be. I'm sure it will be a very small folder.
Every single writer out there writes doody at some point in time. Every. Single. Writer. Brilliance doesn't just pour forth - we have to practice, practice, practice (i.e., write, write, write), hone our abilities, and have faith in ourselves as writers.
I have faith in you. I know you can write. I have the same faith in Elana and Lady Glamis, and told them as much when they blogged about pretty much the same thing you blogged about!
So, don't give up your dream (which you're not, but I just had to write those words)! Keep on writing. Keep on doing what you love.
When you have doubt, well, shout out at me and I'll wipe the doubt away for you.
S
Lou, Thank you, thank you. I needed to hear that I'm not the only one. Whew. *she breathes a sigh of relief* I guess I shouldn't have deleted the words, but it seemed fitting at the time. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a book on writing too. It helped me and I should have included that in my post. Another writer (you know who you are) encouraged me to read it through her posts.
Thanks Lou. :)
Scott, yes, I should have emailed you. I just stewed in my own pity. It was really bad. I also should have talked to Beth about it. She and I were emailing back and forth, but she's excited about some things and I didn't want to bring her down, and I don't want to bring you down in the gutter with me either. That's where I was, you know? The gutter. The ditch. ECK!
ReplyDeleteIt really helps to know that others go through it too. I don't think I remember reading either of their posts on that, maybe I can go back and do that. Thanks for being there. Next time I'll...:)
Robyn, I really appreciate you sharing your frustration. You are not alone friend. That hateful lie whispers to us all some days.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is right, practice does make perfect. We will keep at it and never give up. We couldn't even if we tried.
Tamika, I realized that yesterday. I could NOT quit. It is so much a part of me. I hadn't even realized how much. :) Thanks so much! I don't wish it on any of my writer friends, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteAh, yes, the roller coster ride of Writing. I truly dislike those down days that make you wonder why you ever climbed aboard in the first place. But it's the down days like these that make all the UPs feel so much better.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not the only person that ever has self-doubts and just wants to give up on it all.
Hope the next peak you hit is the highest you've reached yet. Hang in there, bloggy pal.
Hang in there Robyn! It's a brand new day and a brand new month! This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 And just so you know, I happen to like your writing!! Have an amazing Monday! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Robyn. You have to stick with it through the ups and downs like anything else in life. Thanks for sharing your process and thoughts. And, I hope you have a great day! You said: "You keep growing because you keep learning." I like that.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. I've been there. Many times. But, I remind myself that it would all be for nothing if we quit now. How sad to look back and think 'what if I hadn't quit?' No, we will continue. You and I and our other writing friends. We will learn and grow and succeed!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey - it helps us all!
Oh my darling friend. I hate to hear of your troubles. All of the above comments are right, we all go through it. Writing is a lonely profession, despite blogs, forums, email, chat, yada yada. It's not tangible for us, there's not a person that continually reads your work and at the end of a week gives you a paycheck and says "good job." It's sooooo hard.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when other things in our lives are so chaotic, or difficult...well, it makes our evil self defeating selves come out. You are in my prayers daily, and I am glad you came out with a positive outlook. Keep looking up, I can't wait to read your work!
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteAnd they wonder why writers tend to the neurotic side of life. >.< Silly, wonderful Robyn. If your blog is anything to go off of, you are a very talented writer.
My internal writing place agrees with you even as it screams, "Noooooooo!"
Oh, Robyn! I hate those "suck" days. Sorry you had to deal with that. But you're right, you have to write badly to get better. I think I wrote badly for at least ten years before things started to turn in the direction of halfway decent :D I'm glad you're sticking with it. I think that's why writers are such amazing people. Out of many dreams and jobs, writing is one that gets some of the biggest amount of rejection. Makes you live through a great deal of discouragement. And yet writers persevere. Because it's not all about the prestige or the money, it's about passion and faith in what you write. Stick with it!
ReplyDeleteI've been there too. But you are right. We will only get better with practice.
ReplyDeleteI hate days like that. Sometimes I read something and feel like I am a totally amazing and then I read the next sentence and think what makes me think I can do this.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you talked yourself out of giving it all up.
Poor Robyn! Those writing blues days are the worst!
ReplyDeleteBut why did you delete the writing you did on Saturday? You might have surprised yourself if you'd kept it a while and looked at it when you were more positive!!
Thank goodness you didn't delete everything (that's a disadvantage of technology - far too easy to press tha delete button and our blood sweat and tears are gone for ever!)
I'm very glad to hear you've bounced back again - as long as you're enjoying working at your writing, what does it matter if you're not perfect (yet!) And as Mom always says, Practice makes perfect! :)
Robyn, I don't know what it is about writers that make them wildly ecstatic and then morosely depressed about their work. Been there, done that. I hope we're not all neurotic, but I can't think of a writer I know who doesn't ride this roller coaster. I'm sorry you hit bottom and we didn't know. Whatever you do, remember tomorrow is another day.
ReplyDeleteLinda, Thank you for reminding me that the up days will be all the much sweeter. :) I can't wait! :)Uh, if you could only give me an idea as to when they will occur. Soon?? :)
ReplyDeleteMaria, I am glad for people to tell me that they like my writing. It gives me comfort. Especially in these times like I had over the weekend. I must keep these comments pasted and by my side at all times. And I am rejoicing in this day. Thanks. :)
ReplyDeletePaul, thanks so much! I'm so glad to hear I am NOT the only writer to have these days. I really appreciate you coming out to help a fellow writer in need of encouragement. Thanks and keep learning and growing. :)
ReplyDeleteTess, thanks for your comforting words. I need them. And you're right, it would be so awful to wonder what what we might have missed by giving up on our writing. I wouldn't want to live like that. :) And sharing the journey is what we do. :)
ReplyDelete:) I'm glad you are feeling better, Robyn! The truth is, we all have the potential for our writing to suck. Maybe it does! Really, who's to say? I often think my writing is very bad, but I still want to do it. Even if I never published anything, I still want to write. So, I write. :)
ReplyDeleteKristi, I am so thankful that we have you in our blogosphere. And I'm trying to keep lookin' up. It is so hard at times. Like on Saturday. EW! That was a bummer of a day. I never want to have another, though I'm sure I will. :)
ReplyDeleteDanyelle, I am glad to hear from you. How is that hubby of yours? When you guys start the move, I'll be glad to lend a cyber hand. Ahahahaha
ReplyDeleteSeriously thank you for being here. For being someone I can talk to. For understanding. And for saying those kind words. How I appreciate them. You shall never know. Or maybe you do. Thanks friend. :)
Cindy, thank you, thank you. And it is so much much rejection. That is so unpleasant. But I will stick with it and persevere. It just drains me when I have days like Saturday. I can still feel the energy gone from my body. I hope I don't have another for several years. But you're right. It is about the passion and faith. I'm thankful to have so many writing pals to help me through these times. :)
ReplyDeleteSusan, We will get better with practice! We sure can't get worse so that is a great thing. :) Thank you my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou so don't suck! I'm so glad you snapped out of it. I have those days about once or twice a month and find chocolate and wine helps immensely.
ReplyDeletePatti, thanks for the visit and follow. I am very thankful to meet you. And that is what I was thinking. Who on earth told me I could write. But I'm glad I talked myself out of giving it all up too. :)Thanks for your uplifting words.
ReplyDeleteAnn, I hear you my friend! And it is too easy to wipe away any trace of our writing. I mean one click and GONE. But I kept thinking, I'll delete the rest tomorrow. Good thing I woke up in a better frame of mind. I would have been so mad at myself. Thanks for coming to my aid. I am so thankful for you. For all of you! :)
ReplyDeleteTricia my pal! Those words flowing out of you like water flows out of the faucet, right? I know you will make us proud. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for coming to help me. How I am thankful to hear your words and to know I could be NEUROTIC! :) And it is a roller coaster isn't it? Up, down, up, down. Sheesh. I am kinda partial to those ups. Maybe the downs will get fewer and farther between. :)
Davin, you're right. We all have the potential to suck, but we don't because we hone our craft to the best of our ability. And I always want to write, but I'd love to make a living at it too. Just a meager amount. Well not really. I'd love to be the next JK! :)
ReplyDeletePJ, chocolate and wine huh? Sounds like GREAT advice. *fist pump* I will buy up a stock of both. Only thing is, I'd get into my stash before I really needed to. Then when the time came, I'd be out. :) :) I'm glad I pulled out of it too. Thanks pal.
ReplyDeleteRobyn, I feel for you. I've been through this more times than I can even say. I even went through this today.
ReplyDeleteI call this Isuckitis.
If you haven't, go watch this video because it changed my writing life forever: Why You Shouldn't Give Up On Writing
And once again, I'm really sorry for not visiting over here lately!
Michelle, thanks so much for the link. I will definitely take a look at it. Sorry that you went through the crap today. It's frustrating isn't it?
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologize. Really! It is hard to get around to all the blogs. Believe me I know. :) Come when you can. :)
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